Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Araknaph-uchyoubitch

Word...so a few weeks ago I was bit by a bug...no big deal right...only this bit made was the size of a half dollar and felt like a puffy bruise.....oh well u know ive been bit by worse things...RAWR...anyways one night sean and i were sitting on my bed...do i even need to say it?...i will.. NO HOMO! and from what i believe the bug aka FUCKINBatGuano came running across my sheets. Sean ov course jumped up and ran away like a lil girl and since im an ex MMA trainer i landed a few death blows and elbows....long story short...the fucker died. Anyways i got bit again....this time on the arm...

i imediatly knew that FUCKINbatguano must have summoned his friends from the grave to give there vendetta on my tasty arm...a plan that was deemed sucessful. But i will always get the last laugh. I got out of the shower today sat down on my bed...and had a hefty spider run up my arm..turn around then ran across my pants... Needless to say I caught the beast in a cup while it prepaired for its demise. Plan A was spray computer cleaner spray into the cup then light it on fire.. well the plan didnt work cause we all know flames and heat rise so they left the cup in a matter of seconds and the spider at the bottom along with it. Plan B wich is the best plan of all.... SoAK the bitch ass trick in RAID while BLake lewis called PETA on me...then light it on fire...cause we all know fire is the worst form of death... plan b worked....the lil spidey that could chu chu'd his way to spider hell while crackling and screeeching. leonitus once said " THIS IS SPARTAAA!"......my resp to spider incident was " THIS IS FUPA!" now i dont know what that means but i wanted to add a quote so that was it.
in the bottom lower zone of the cup u can see the skelleton of what i now know is called a HOBO spider.

Oh and hes a fun fact now i got this from the worst source possible wich is sean..but he said someone told him that these spiders can be more poisoness than black widows....wich freaked me out.. not cause of the rare intellegence that came out of seans mouth but the fact that i could really be fuq'd.
here is a picture of the hobo spider:

Upon further investigation I was reading stories of people that have been bit by the same spider and they say if not treated it could cause permanent skin tissue death....great!...heres a pic of someone that musta been bit by the queen bee...or shall i say hobo spider:

What should I do if I get bit?
Consult a physician. In extreme cases where the bite was not taken care of early, skin graft, amputation, and the possibility of bone marrow failure may occur.
yea right Bill...its nothing a few Keystones cant handle..Right D?
peace out and if i die..tell ur friends i died doing something hero-ic i will not let my legacy be " the man who died from a spider bite"
off to hell...peace!

1 comment:

xteenuh said...

Backpacker Magazine – September 2000

Beware The Hobo Spider
Its bite is more than painful -- it could be deadly.

by: Buck Tilton

Many a Northwest hiker has innocently flicked a hobo spider from the inside of a tent. No harm done, at least to the hiker, which is good news because, unbeknownst to many, the hobo -- also known as the northwestern brown spider (Tegenaria agrestis) -- has been implicated in several deaths.

This import from Europe is fond of woodpiles and forest debris. Hobos are brown with gray markings and eight conspicuously hairy legs with a span of 1 to 11?2 inches. A herringbone pattern in brown, gray, and tan often appears on the abdomen.

Bites are rare and usually occur when the spider is trapped against the skin of an unsuspecting human and can't escape. Laboratory tests have shown that the female's bite is far more toxic than the male's, but that's of little consequence when you've just been bitten. A blister usually results, as can headaches, muscle weakness, visual impairment, and/or disorientation. Some experts say that up to 5 percent of the humans who are bitten by the hobo spider die because they aren't aware that they've encountered a toxic spider.

There's no specific first-aid treatment. If you think a hobo has bitten you, try to capture the spider for a positive ID. Then head to the nearest doctor's office.